Please, let me fuck your mom
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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