Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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