So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
