Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
