i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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