So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
