If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
