Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
