you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
