found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
