For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So squirting runs in the family.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
