I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
