Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
