I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
