New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
