I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
