it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
