Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
