I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We talked him into tasing himself.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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