you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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