Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
