This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
