Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
