New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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