I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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