The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
