someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I believe in your delicious
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
