I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
