You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
