When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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