dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
