I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
try to milk me bitch
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
