someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
