The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
