So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
