Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
