i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
