You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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