Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
