my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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