I am midnight drunk by noon
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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