Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i now understand why vodka
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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