According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
