I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
