I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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