Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
