drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
