sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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