I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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