So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
