so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
