I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
